"Forgive others, not because they deserve it but because you deserve peace"
I can be the first to admit that it is hard to let go of grudges when part of you feels like the situation will reoccur. You’re so hurt by what WAS that you can’t seem to get past to what COULD. The past holds a lot of power to your happiness and your persona. Sometimes we don’t forgive because it gives our anger an adrenaline; some people actually feel gratitude in the ‘victim’ identity. Identifying the reason on why you can not forgive and let go, results in a better knowledge of yourself and your feelings.
Let go of what holds you back from healing from past hurt. This doesn’t necessarily mean text your ex to get closure or find the parent you believe left you uncaring. But map out the thing that caused this pain, understand it from different angles and accept it. Forgive it and let it go.
Start by forgiving yourself! You allowed yourself to go through certain things (some of which you may not have had control over) and you may think its your fault. Forgive Yourself ! Do Not Blame Yourself, yes there are times where we are the root of the problem, if so you need to acknowledge it and accept that change must occur.
Soon as you forgive yourself move on to channeling the inner anger and thoughts of incidents that someone else caused. Understand what Forgiveness is NOT:
- It does not mean you have to verbally tell everyone who hurt you that you forgive them.
- It does not mean you are excusing their behavior and ignoring their actions.
- Just because you forgive them does not mean that everything starts fresh and it will all be okay.
- It does not justify their place in your life.
Forgiving someone or yourself is simply knowing and healing from the pain. It is ultimately your decision on how you want to move after. You do not have to ignore the person but you do not have to continue the friendship. It is OKAY to forgive someone and NOT forget what they did. You forgave, but not to satisfy them for a clear conscious but for YOU!
Next grow from it! What did you learn from the situation? What did you find out about yourself and how you handled it? Think about how to prevent yourself from experiencing it again. Possibly setting new boundaries or reviewing your needs in certain friendships or relationships. Also remind yourself that every human is flawed and not perfect. Why do you think the other person caused such pain? What needs were they trying to meet? Did they in fact intentionally try to hurt you was your character blinded to believe that?
(SideNote: Being in an abusive relationship may cause a lot of pain one may not fully forgive, I will write a post specifically helping you forgive and achieve healing from it. )
At the end of it all, you may never forget what happened. However, you will no longer be bound to it! Instead you found out more of yourself and received peace in the process. You have examined the situations and know how to act differently in the future. You now know how to be happier today and tomorrow because you have forgiven and let go of the sadness from yesterday.