When Toxic Can't Control You.

I don't know who needs to hear this but everyone has a different story about you. Yes, everyone has a different way of seeing you. Let's start with you are not for everyone, not everyone deserves access to you. I'm sure you have heard that before. But you practice it innocently, when you don’t open up to certain people. When you share more confidence in someone than even your own family. By the way, blood doesn’t always make you family. And just because they are your family doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life and or share secrets with them. But let's leave that conversation for another blog.

I’ll get back to it. So, with everyone getting to know you differently they get a different version of you. They get how they met you and what positive characteristics you have. However, there are some who get to see the red flags in you too. Just as you have a different story to others and know some of their red flags. 

Let me get to what I am trying to say when someone toxic in your life tries to change you and fails; when they realize they can not change you they go and try to change how others see you. Yes they will try to change the story others have with you and make it seem like you are the toxic one. 

Yes it is unfair. It doesn’t matter how genuine you are or how much you have changed because they didn’t succeed in getting their way in changing you how they want you to be for them…they will change how everyone sees you. 

Let me share with you a story…. Someone tried to change me and succeeded but when I was able to bounce back and win myself back they got angry. They continued to try to change me again….not only change my personality but change who I hung out with. They tried to change who I spoke to, where I worked etc. But by then I had caught on to it and they failed. So this made them talk to others behind my back to make me seem like the crazy one. They would spread rumors and slowly I was losing friends, not because they controlled me but because they started controlling my surroundings. It wasn’t fair, even trying to be “the bigger person” was aggravating. After a while, some saw the truth and I regained certain relationships.

Here's another story some may relate to…. I started dating someone that another individual didn’t approve of. The individual attempted to ruin the relationship in so many ways, as well as confronting me and belittling me enough to second guess the relationship. But because I didn’t give in, the individual went to the family of my partner and changed how they viewed me. Just so the family can pinn against me to tell my partner to leave me. So you see how because someone couldn’t change me they tried to see how others view me. 

This goes to say, that although everyone has a different side to you, those who truly believe in you will not trust what others murmur about you. Yes this is also how rumors start. This might even explain why Bob questions your integrity because Karen had said stuff to him about you. All because you didn’t wanna be around Karen anymore. Or because Karen couldn’t manipulate you to do what she wanted to benefit herself. 

Did I confuse you?

Evaluate your circle, and who you surround yourself with. And understand that not everyone deserves to know you. The best way to keep your peace and your integrity when you notice some funny business is to change who you are around. In certain situations you can even change jobs or schools but if you can’t then just control who you associate with and who you tell what.

I also want to add that you may never get closure in explaining to everyone your side of the story. And that is okay too, time will tell it for you and remember you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.

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